by Joanie Butman
My last task before leaving Florida was indicative of my homeschooling experience. It was the unpleasant job of rooting out the source of the rancid odor permeating our home. We knew what it was (definitely the distinctive scent of a decaying animal). We just couldn’t locate the culprit. My husband had been in a battle with some rats executing nightly raids in the garage and set out poison they consumed with surprising gusto. Rats are not uncommon in Florida and can make a real nuisance of themselves.
After meticulous searching in the garage to no avail, we determined there was only one place left to look – in the crawl space attic no one wants to enter. Since I was the smaller of the two of us, I was assigned the search and destroy mission. I will spare you the disgusting details, but it didn’t take long to follow the stench and dispose of five decaying rats and the mess that entails.
The only reason I share the story is because it illustrates my Divine tutelage over the past two months. God used quarantine to flush out and expose character flaws that needed cleansing – a thorough brain wash in the most positive way. I’ve often heard Christianity described as a form of brainwashing. I couldn’t agree more. I don’t know anyone who couldn’t benefit from that kind of deep cleaning. Our minds are cluttered with all kinds of unhealthy things that need a good scrubbing.
It was a lot easier to uncover the areas in my life that needed attention than it was to find those dead rats. Like my rat patrol efforts, I just needed to follow the smell. We all have a unique aroma we expel. It’s our choice as to what that will be. There’s an entire multi-billion-dollar industry devoted to it. Trust me, you can use all the perfume or cologne you want but when your behavior doesn’t align with your beliefs, the aroma surrounding you will be as off-putting as a decaying rodent.
It was humbling to admit that the things that irritated me most by those I’m in quarantine with revealed my flaws, not theirs. The only decision left was how to address them. I was going to need some industrial strength cleanser – the kind only the Holy Spirit can provide. No mask or gloves required. Full exposure is vital to the process. It’s a dirty job because you have to dig deep to expose the root of any issue, and who wants to admit that they are the common denominator in their own problems? Certainly not me, but therein lies the homeschooling lesson. Humility is a difficult pill to swallow.
My Divine lessons pointed out with painful clarity the numerous times my own attitude and actions polluted the air and my propensity to point outward with blame. Soul sanitizing is not as quick as eliminating rats. Oh, if it were that easy! Poison doesn’t kill the kind of infections that affect our soul, it fuels it. But similar to those rats, aren’t we all too eager to feast on it? Poisons such as anger, shame, blame, selfishness, bitterness, unforgiveness, envy, deceit, impatience, intolerance, etc. The only antidote I know of for those issues is the healing power of God’s love and grace.
Rat patrolling may not be a prime mission, but it’s one we all need to accept if we hope to be the pleasing aroma of Christ in this world. It’s an ongoing task because the recidivism rate of humans is abysmal – at least this human. Blessedly, God’s deep reservoir of love and mercy never runs dry for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is His faithfulness (Lamentation 3:22-23).
Our stifling attic isn’t a place you’d choose to spend time in unless you’re a rat. The attic of my mind can be just as inhospitable, though I often find myself settling into its dark recesses. As Ann Lamott says, “My mind is like a bad neighborhood. I try not to go there alone.” And neither should we. We need the Holy Spirit to pour His healing light into it, exposing and removing poisonous thoughts and attitudes.
The Jesuits have a more palatable name for the process. St. Ignatius Loyola christened it The Daily Examen* over 500 years ago as part of his famous Spiritual Exercises. Alcoholics Anonymous shrinks it down to one sentence that anyone can apply as a daily practice: Continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. Either way it’s clear that a daily examination of our own decisions and actions keeps the air around us clean and life-giving. What or who is your air-freshener of choice?
P.S. When my friend read this essay, she commented on my bravery for going in the attic. I scoffed and replied, “Believe me, facing your own demons takes a lot more bravery than cleaning up dead rats!!” Choose to be brave. It’s worth it.
*http://www.ignatianspirituality.com/ignatian-prayer/the-examen/how-can-i-pray/