by Joanie Butman
Little time is spent on Barabbas* as we celebrate Easter. Without doubt, the focus is and should be on Jesus. However, it’s glaringly obvious that there would be no story without “Barabbas”– because he is us. Condemned with no hope of reprieve, unexpectedly and undeservedly set free because Christ willingly took our place on the cross. There’s no mention of Barabbas after he’s set free, but there’s an old movie starring Anthony Quinn that explores what his life might have been like as he asked himself the question, “Now what?” Did Jesus’ sacrifice on his behalf change the way he lived his life going forward? We’ll never know.
Nevertheless, we all get to author our own Barabbas story, as we face the same question regarding Christ’s death and resurrection on our behalf. Now what? I wonder if Barabbas suffered from survivor’s guilt. Having survived cancer, there are times (usually at funerals) when I am consumed by guilt and an overwhelming desire to pay homage to those who have gone before me by using whatever reprieve God’s given me in a way that honors their memory and God’s decision to spare me for the moment.
Spiritually, how can I not feel survivor’s guilt for Jesus assuming the punishment for my sin? While not all guilt is healthy, this guilt is the kind that leads to changed lives. The gratitude for His sacrifice on my behalf fills me with a desire to honor His decision. If I choose not to acknowledge His sacrifice or believe I need to earn it in any way (which isn’t possible though it doesn’t stop people from trying), I negate His work on the cross. An element of survivor’s guilt is thinking you didn’t deserve to survive. And we don’t. That truth is what makes His grace so amazing. The more you understand how unworthy you are, the more you can appreciate His gift. As Tim Keller beautifully summarizes the gospel:
“We are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared believe, yet at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope.”
The terms BC and AD are about more than just measuring the passing of time. They delineate a turning point in world history and in my history as well. They separate the old from the new. There’s no doubt my life changed once I became a Christian – not necessarily in a physical way that would be obvious to others. It was a game-changing shift in my world view which, I hope, eventually became evidenced in the way I chose to live going forward. My life since then is full of resurrection stories – times when all seemed lost and Jesus intervened. They were painful for sure, but as I’ve often been reminded, “If you miss the crucifixion, you’ll miss the resurrection.” Resurrection always requires the death of something.
Why not choose to meditate on the “Now what?” question this week, allowing Jesus to guide you forward.
*A prisoner mentioned in all four Gospels who was chosen by the crowd, over Jesus Christ, to be released by Pontius Pilate in a customary pardon before the feast of Passover. (https://www.britannica.com/topic/Barabbas-biblical-figure)
**Survivors guilt is a particular kind of guilt that develops in people who have survived a life-threatening situation. Some survivors feel guilty that they survived when others died. Others believe they could have done more to save the lives of others. And then there are those who feel guilty that another person died saving them. (https://www.verywellmind.com/survivors-guilt-4688743)