Teaching to the Test

by Joanie Butman

The way I view the seasons is definitely influenced by my children’s lives. My son is currently in a testing season. He is a junior in high school, which is ALL about testing and performance – SAT, ACT, Subject Tests, AP Tests. Never mind the regular tests in his classes. The SAT prep classes began in November for the January test. Started again in March for the May test. They will continue through May for the subject tests in June. Just enrolling him in prep classes and registering for the numerous tests was stressful enough, and I don’t even have to take the exam!

Come to think of it, much of his high school experience has been leading towards these evaluations. Sadly, the sum total of his academic career will be reflected in these numbers – better not have an off day or have your mom send you to the wrong place (another story for another blog). In fact, for most kids these days, everything they do is graded in some way – whether it is sports, academics or community service. Most resumes of 17-yr-olds are more impressive than many adults I know. Much of what I did at that age would NEVER be divulged to a potential college or employer – in a confessional, maybe.

Other than it being testing time for my son, it is also a period of testing for many people I know – but not in the same way. These are tests where the results will be much more life defining than any academic assessment. I’ve always believed that the most important lessons in life aren’t learned in a classroom, and the wisdom they impart will be the most valuable and enduring.

‘Testing’ is a frequently used word by Christians to define a period of suffering. Personally, and maybe this reflects my history of less than stellar academic performance, I have a problem with describing suffering as ‘testing.’ That description would imply the suffering was being administered by ‘someone.’

The way I see it, testing involves your performance, while suffering is more about God’s performance. I don’t believe God causes suffering; that’s simply the result of living in a broken world. He wastes nothing though, so He employs it as a teaching moment. Most parents are familiar with them and know they can be painful and the consequences costly. Nevertheless, God adds meaning to our suffering by using it as an opportunity to strengthen our faith by proving His own trustworthiness. The purpose isn’t for us to prove our devotion to Him, but for Him to prove His devotion to us.

As a Christian, I choose to believe this life prepares us for eternity. So, in essence, God is just teaching to the test. Life is one long prep class for our next assignment with God as our divine tutor. It is a cumulative program. Each ‘test’ builds confidence equipping you for the next one. Our only graduation is death where we are promised no more pain or suffering.

I always laugh when my kids complain about their teachers, “He didn’t tell me this was going to be on the test. That’s not fair!” Life lesson #1: LIFE’S NOT FAIR! You’d think they’d know that by now as I have frequently reminded them that if it were, they’d have a lot less. God never tells us what’s going to be on the test either or even when it's going to be given. A majority of our suffering comes in the form of a pop quiz for which most of us feel totally unprepared. We may be, but He certainly is not. Hence, the lesson: Don’t rely on your own strength.

Bible Study has been the best prep course I’ve ever taken to prepare me for life and death. I was studying for years before my first ‘test’ and in hindsight, can clearly see the role suffering plays in the life of a Christian. The adage “God is more concerned with your character than your comfort” is something we all need to remember sometimes. All that book knowledge I acquired over many years studying the Bible would never have reached my heart unless I chose to cling to it during times of distress. It was only through my ‘tests’ that the Bible was transformed from a history lesson to a love letter from God. You can read or memorize as much scripture as you want, but if you never choose to apply it to your life, it will just be useless knowledge. This may not be the case for everyone, but for me its meaning and veracity came alive through suffering.

In conclusion, without ever having to exercise the lessons I learned during all those years of Bible study, my Bible knowledge would remain theology, not necessarily wisdom. It might have helped me if there was a standardized test on such things or on the occasional Jeopardy category, but it wasn’t going to serve me well in life unless I chose to apply it. It was only through the training ground of suffering that I even came close to the equivalent of a perfect SAT score – and it had nothing to do with my performance at all.

Zip It!

by Joanie Butman

I have no depth perception at night, which makes it difficult to drive after dark. My friend graciously chauffeurs me when we go out for the evening.  When she drives me home, she doesn’t just drop me off and leave. Regardless of the time, she waits patiently as I enter, turn on the lights and give her a signal that all is well. Once when my family was away, we arrived late and found the door ajar. We crept into the house while I boldly announced, “If anyone is in here, my friend from Texas is with me. She has a gun and is not afraid to use it!” Our giggling supplanted our fear. As she would say, “Bless her heart.” She didn’t leave until we made sure nothing was amiss, and I assured her I was comfortable staying alone.

The reason I share this story is because I’ve received a number of prayer requests recently from people ushering loved ones from this life into the next – or so I choose to believe. Not to diminish how painful that final journey can be for everyone involved, but I believe they are doing the same as my friend, walking their loved ones home, allaying their fears and making sure they are comfortable in many respects.

Suffering is a fact of life. No one is immune. The world is full of silent suffering. I’m not sure who hurts more, the person suffering or the loved ones watching. You feel so helpless and guilty too for wanting to see them released from their suffering. Sometimes there are needs to be met, but more often it is just a quiet presence, a listening ear or a warm hand that is most needed. In her book Kitchen Table Wisdom, Rachel Remen advises that “a loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.”

I’ve often wished there was a book of comforting phrases to use when you’re coming up empty. Shame on me, that’s why the Bible is the best-selling book in history. DUH!  It took me a long time to realize that if you’re having trouble coming up with the words, maybe you aren’t meant to be using any. Perhaps, the better choice is to be still and listen – allowing the appropriate words to flow through you not from you. When we stop trying so hard to grasp for words that aren’t there, it leaves room for the only One who always has the ability to offer comfort and peace in any situation.

On the other hand, I’ve plenty of material for a book on what not to say to someone who is suffering. It will be called Zip It! I’ve swapped stories with friends who have shared their own accounts of truly thoughtless things people have said to them during their own dark moments – some quoted right from the Bible! Just because it’s in there doesn’t mean it is appropriate for every circumstance. Quoting out of context can be dangerous and hurtful.

The friend I mentioned last week with the eye problems described how an elderly woman approached her and asked, “What did you do that God would take away your eyesight?” I can’t remember her response, but it was certainly more polite than the one I suggested. “You should have told her you hit an old lady for asking stupid questions!”

My personal favorite is a doozy, and my friend won’t mind me sharing the story as we still laugh about it. The day before I was diagnosed with a 10” tumor in my gut, I was kvetching that I felt like I was nine months pregnant. She responded, “You just have to let loose a giant fart!” Oh, if it had been that easy. When I called her the next day to let her know that her home remedy was not going to take care of this particular malady, she felt awful. I always tell her if I ever get around to writing a handbook of things not to say, she’ll get top billing.

In the light of another’s suffering, we all search for the right words to offer comfort. These are the moments when we discover language is woefully inadequate to express what’s in our hearts. When I find myself at a loss for words, I’ve realized it’s best to retreat into a holy silence. That silence becomes a depository for whatever the person suffering wishes to share. It might simply be a moment of silence where their guard dissipates to reveal the open wound that is their heart. Sometimes your presence is the only solace you can offer and the only one they need. Keep in mind, your presence doesn't necessarily need to be a physical one. I've walked that road with people I never even met in person. Holding vigil with someone in pain is a privilege and a blessing. The comfort lies not in any words you might say, but in your willingness to walk beside them and help them carry their burdens. Your light offers them hope as their own diminishes.

I mentioned earlier my belief that the end of this life is just the beginning of the next – one without suffering I might add. I realize not everyone chooses to believe in eternal life, but even the most devout atheist has to wonder as they approach death whether or not they’ve made a wise choice. After all, if I’m wrong, I lose nothing. If they’re wrong, they lose everything. Just something you might want to choose to consider before you are face to face with your own mortality.

Even Steve Jobs hedged his bets. In Walter Isaacson’s biography, the author shares one of his interviews with Jobs regarding God, “Sometimes I believe in God, sometimes I don’t. I think it’s 50-50 maybe. But ever since I’ve had cancer, I’ve been thinking about it more. And I find myself believing a bit more. I kind of – maybe it’s ’cause I want to believe in an afterlife. That when you die, it doesn’t just all disappear.” Steve Jobs was a visionary and a seeker. I could be wrong, but I choose to believe the last vision Jobs had was his best ever or else he wouldn’t have left this world with these words still lingering on his lips, “Oh Wow, Oh Wow, Oh Wow!” I think in death he finally solved the mystery that had eluded him in life – as we all will.

Me, Myself and Pi

by Joanie Butman

Years ago under intense peer pressure, I read Yann Martel’s Life of Pi. I was assured I would love it and not be disappointed. There are plenty of words to describe my opinion of it, but none of them would be love. Not only did I find it laborious, I couldn’t grasp the deeper meaning that everyone claimed yet couldn’t explain. The more I questioned people, the more vague they became about exactly what that deeper meaning was. I chalked it up to one of those Emperor’s New Clothes phenoms. Everyone could see it but me – kind of like when I was in math class trying to understand the mathematical meaning of pi. Never got that either. Given the abstract nature of the movie, perhaps that’s why the author chose the name.

So you can understand why ten years later I wasn’t enthusiastic about seeing Ang Lee’s version of the book. However, once the Academy determined it was prize worthy, my curiosity got the better of me. Again I caved to the majority hoping the movie would do a better job of helping me understand the story’s deeper meaning. It did not, though the cinematography was amazing. I knew it was supposed to be about God, but I wasn’t seeing it, which is odd for someone whose children always claim, “You think everything’s about God.” To which I always respond, “Isn’t it?”

With the internet at my disposal, I was determined to discover someone who would enlighten me. I found a lot of someones. There was a glut of people more than willing to share their interpretation—some thought-provoking, others ran the gamut from condescending to critical to arrogant and everything in between. I found so much information it was difficult to sift through it all. Rather than satisfying my quest for an explanation, it offered so many versions that the movie haunted me even more as I began to ponder it from a new perspective.

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Despite my newfound knowledge, it was the experience of a friend that transformed the story into Technicolor better than Ang Lee. I will give you the abbreviated version. As with Pi’s story, there is so much more to it, but it’s not my story to tell. My friend lost her sight in one eye two years ago. She  was told she would never see out of that eye again from the numerous experts she consulted. All her medical records confirm their findings. This past December she lost sight in the other eye. You can imagine the terror of facing the possibility of total blindness. To make a long story short, after being immobilized in the dark for six weeks and hearing the devastating news that the ‘good’ eye was not healing properly, the sight in her bad eye was miraculously restored to 20/25 vision. Her other eye is still healing from surgery, so whether or not her sight will be restored in that eye remains to be seen, but I’d be shocked if it wasn’t.

When she shared the astounding details with me, she expressed how hesitant she was to make it public because people wouldn’t believe it. She explained how a few of the people she had confided in tried to explain it away creating their own version of what happened. Initially, even she was questioning what had happened. As I sat and listened to her, I realized she was saying exactly the same thing as Pi at the end of his story.

Here is what I’ve determined. The meaning of the book, the movie AND life all boil down to Martel’s question, “Which story do you prefer?” Of course the author and the director leave it open-ended – because each of us has to answer that question for ourselves. Life of Pi is fiction so your choice of which version of his story you prefer is relevant only as a foil to evoke a deeper spiritual consideration about how you choose to live your life.

Do you choose to live by faith or by sight? Do you choose to believe in the unbelievable/miracles or do you need to see and have an explanation for everything? Do you rely on a higher power for strength or are you a survivor who relies on your own strength and determination in facing adversity? Perhaps, like most of us, you are a little of both with your dual natures locked in an ongoing internal battle as each one clamors for dominance. Letting go of control is a difficult pill for many to swallow.

The genius of Martel and Lee’s Life of Pi is that it simply offers an opportunity for introspection, for looking deeper into your own story. By asking questions, relentlessly seeking answers and digging deeper, I now recognize so many analogies to my own faith journey – including how long it took me to find the meaning. We aren’t adrift in a boat in the middle of the ocean, but who hasn’t experienced seasons of feeling adrift or even shipwrecked when we come face-to-face with the same struggles of complete surrender, anger, self-control (taming the beast within), doubt, fear, loneliness, isolation, trust, illness, hunger, exhaustion and finally, utter despair. They are universal themes we all wrestle with eventually. Like my girlfriend, I see it so clearly now.

In retrospect, I’m not surprised I didn’t understand the book ten years ago. How could I? I was still at the beginning of my own faith journey with lots to learn and just enough hardships ahead to help me along the way. I hadn’t found God yet in my own life, so of course I wouldn’t be able to recognize Him in Pi’s. In my quest for explanations, I was reminiscent of Dorothy in Oz asking everyone else to tell her how to get back to Kansas. At the end of The Wizard of Oz, the good witch’s response to Dorothy's query as to why she didn’t tell her how to get home sooner resonates with truth and wisdom regarding any spiritual journey and discovery. She explains, “Because you wouldn't have believed me. You had to learn it for yourself.” That’s all a spiritual journey is – finding your way home. And so I did, and so I did.

If the value of the arts is to make you think, no wonder Life of Pi received so many accolades. I can finally agree with all those who insisted ten years ago that I wouldn’t be disappointed – far from it. And to steal Martel’s words, “…and so it is with God.” It is through seeking answers that He will be revealed to you, and you won’t be disappointed either. When your eyes are opened to view life from an eternal perspective, suddenly your focus sharpens and shifts from what is seen to what is unseen. That is the birth of faith and the beginning of your own incredible adventure story – but not without mishaps. The way you choose to respond to them, however, makes all the difference.

 While I am more curious to hear about your answers and your understanding of Life of Pi, I will close with Albert Einstein’s understanding of the choice Martel presents.

Which do you choose?

Namaste

by Joanie Butman

The literal translation of the Sanskrit salutation, namaste, is "I bow to you." In the practice of yoga, it is a greeting from one soul to another and is usually how a yoga instructor begins and ends each class. You can find a long list of translations on the internet, but these seemed to be the most popular.

The Divine in me recognizes and honors the Divine in you.


The spirit within me bows to the spirit within you.


I honor the place in you which is of love, of truth, of light and of peace.

I salute the light of God in you.

I recognize that within each of us is a place where divinity dwells, and when we are in that place, we are one.

Yoga has become a key element of my wellness routine – especially since my recent commitment to make use of my more rigorous fitness classes before they expire. Now I need yoga even more to aid in my recovery from these classes. This entire maintenance effort is exhausting as you get older. One of life’s ironies is that the older you get, the harder you need to work for lesser results. Here’s another one. Just about the time a woman of a certain age desperately needs to wear sleeveless clothing is the exact same time she needs to start wearing sleeves. What’s with that?

Anyway, the foremost benefit of yoga for me is a recovery of a spiritual nature because wellness is so much more than physical fitness. Like many things in life, it’s all about balance. Unless your mind, body and spirit are in alignment, you will not feel well regardless of what size you are.

Recently, I’ve been asked how I can practice yoga if I am a Christian. After my initial surprise and much thought, my answer is “How can you not?” Regardless of your beliefs, who couldn’t benefit from an hour of peaceful stillness and reflection? In my mind, as the pace of our world and the flow of information increases, the need for stillness and refection increases exponentially. My yoga mat says it all, “Be still and know that I am God.” Stillness is the most vital ingredient in my wellness routine. It doesn’t keep the weight down in a physical sense, but it certainly helps keep the weight down in regard to the burdens so many of us tend to lug around every day.

Despite yoga’s Hindu origins, there is a difference between the philosophy of yoga and the practice of yoga. What you choose to meditate on during stretching poses is more significant than the poses themselves. The postures stretch your muscles; the meditation clears your mind and stretches your soul.

Last week’s post discussed a poem which claimed we are all given a spark of the Divine that resides in us. Yoga is all about getting in touch with that spark. It doesn’t matter what the person next to you thinks that might be. If you are thinking about them, you are missing the point and the connection.

During class, the instructor often suggests finding a spot on which to concentrate your gaze to help with difficult balancing positions – life being one of the hardest I might add. The Sanskrit word drishti is what that spot is called, and it is different for everyone. Wikipedia defines drishti as a “focused gaze, a means for developing concentrated intention.” You may be gazing outward, but the purpose is to bring your awareness inward as is noted on the abc-of-yoga website: “This is the focal point where one’s gaze lies to attain concentration alignment, and inner and outer balance. One actually does this to prevent distractions, but should be looking inwardly and not concentrate on the physical object.”

The interesting thing is that when your focus shifts off your drishti, you lose your balance. I’ve been told that’s because wherever your attention is, your actions will follow. One yoga blogger describes this phenomenon as a ‘drishti violation.’ I can’t think of a more accurate explanation. He goes on to say, “Many of the random things I wrestle with over the course of a day could be considered ‘drishti violations.’ Does it matter what someone else did, said or didn't do if it doesn't have anything to do with me, and there is nothing I can do to actively change the situation? No. Those are the moments when I need to put my eyes back on my own practice/life and wrestle my attention back to where it serves some purpose.”*

Enough with the yoga tutorial. So what does this have to do with Christianity and the original question ‘posed’ to me? As a Christian, my drishti is Christ. He is the light that I choose to put at the center of my being. The more concentrated my focus is on His light, the more balanced my life is in every respect. The more connected I am to the Divine within me, the easier it is to recognize and respect it in others. It is only when I allow myself to be distracted from my drishti that I lose my balance. And predictably, that is when my actions do not honor Christ. When I am practicing yoga, it is a method of prayer that restores the balance to my mind, body and soul. It is a recovery process that transcends all boundaries - including religious ones. Anyone can choose to practice it and reap the benefits of achieving an inner stillness.

Our attention is our most valuable asset. Therefore, where we choose to focus it is probably one of the most critical choices we make daily and can be life-defining as it guides our actions.

Where do you choose to focus your attention?

I will leave you with a poem my yoga instructor began class with this week.

JUST BE

by

Danna Faulds

Finally, I am slowing down.

After weeks of doing, I have

a moment to just be.

Serenity must be chosen,

the wave of relaxation washing

through me not by chance,

but choice. I consciously

give myself over to the tide

of peace that easily receives

the burdens I release.

*http://ashtanga-yoga-gainesville.blogspot.com/2011/03/on-driste-and-not-falling-apart.html 

Write to the Light

by Joanie Butman

Fear can be a powerful motivator, but it can also debilitate if not properly channeled. I have never considered myself a fearful person. In fact, I could have used a healthy dose of fear in my youth. It would have kept me out of places and away from people I had no business being in or with.

Despite my daring and often reckless behavior, there was an underlying phobia carried over from childhood. Oddly, and you will see why, it was a fear of the dark. I’m not sure what came first, my phobia or my brothers’ pranks, but their hijinks certainly exacerbated the situation.

Over the years, I’ve discovered that many people are governed by their fears much as I was by my fear of the dark. Fear manifests itself in a myriad of forms with anxiety being right up at the top of the list. Not being born with the worry gene, this is one temptation to which I am not susceptible. Recently, however, a friend pointed me to a poem that discusses a unique type of fear I never considered but certainly fell victim to for many years. No one was more surprised than I to learn that it wasn’t the dark I feared most but the light. 

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.



It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.


We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,


gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?



Actually, who are you not to be?


You are a child of God.



Your playing small does not serve the world.


There is nothing enlightened about shrinking


so that other people won't feel insecure around you.


We are all meant to shine, as children do.



We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.


It is not just in some; it is in everyone.



And, as we let our own light shine,

 we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.


As we are liberated from our fear,


our presence automatically liberates others.

I’m not suggesting I am brilliant, gorgeous or talented, but I have often been fearful and timid about shining God’s light for all to see. In the current social climate, I didn’t want to ‘offend’ anyone or be considered ‘one of those.’ I know, hard to imagine. More importantly, I think I shiedaway from being an ambassador for Christ because I didn’t want anyone looking to me as an example of Christ-like behavior. Frankly, most of the time that’s not what they’d see.

The older I get, the more fearful I become regarding certain things – like getting on the back of a motorcycle or going bungee jumping. I suppose that comes with maturity. I am more aware of the cost and consequences of my choices. On the other hand, the more timid I get regarding physically risky behavior, the bolder I get in stepping out of my comfort zone personally and spiritually to overcome the specific fear this poem describes. I agree wholeheartedly with the author’s claim that we are all given a spark of the Divine that resides in us, and that many of us are hesitant to fan it into a flame and let it shine with the brightness it deserves. Whatever gifts and talents we’ve been given are meant to be used to share His light with others in a way that is unique to us. The more we nurture the fire within us, the happier we will be and the brighter His light will shine through us.

Shortly after reading this poem I was having lunch with a new acquaintance and she shared her key to success as a writer, which coincidentally resonates with this poem. It is a recommendation she shares as a mentor to incoming writers at a major TV network. She advises them to “Write to the Light.” I don’t know her well, but do know she doesn’t share my faith. Intrigued, I asked her to elaborate. She was purposely ambiguous as she explained, “We have no control over those who write another way. We choose what we watch and how we write. The reason I never explain what that means is because there is no right answer. It means what each writer wants and needs it to mean.”

Here’s an example about the way I understand her statement. Our website is called Choose Wisely because my partners and I choose to “Write to the Light.”In today’s vernacular, the more popular version of that would read “Don’t Be An Idiot!” Notice how one is encouraging versus judgmental and disparaging. Sadly, the latter is exactly what seems to sell these days. Watch any reality show.

You can carry over the “Write to the Light” principle to anything you do and to life itself. Everyone has an inner light that governs their choices and subsequently their lives. Moreover, the light you’ve been given isn’t just for you. Christ wants that flame to be a light for everyone. When you let His light shine through you, those around you are encouraged to shine that much brighter themselves.

Even though initially I was fearful of people crossing the street when they saw me coming, I discovered quite the opposite. I found that when you are honoring the light within you, there is a warmth and authenticity that attracts people to you like bugs to a porch light.

It was His light I recognized in others that inspired me to pursue it for myself and not give up until I found it. Do you remember the famous diner scene in When Harry Met Sally?  Simply by watching Sally ‘shine,’ without hesitating or asking any questions, the woman at the next table says, “I’ll take whatever she’s having.”  Why?  Because, like me, she wanted to experience the same joy.

Don’t ever underestimate the power you hold to bring light into someone’s life. No matter how small you may think your light is, “it may prove to be a great light in the life of another.”* Just yesterday morning as I was writing this I received an email from a friend and member of my bible study group. It reads, "Watching, listening and imitating you all is what has brought me to this place and I want you to know how truly grateful I am to all of you."

It's funny. The more faithfully I’ve relied on my inner light, the more that old phobia of the dark has dissipated. I don’t even think my brothers could reignite that terror the way they used to enjoy so much.

I will end with a quote from Kent Nerburn’s, Make Me An Instrument of Your Peace.

Each day, a thousand times and in a thousand ways, we are all called upon to make choices that incline us toward darkness or the light. They are not all significant choices; some of them may hardly seem like choices at all. But each of them moves our heart a little further along the road towards life and light or death and darkness. If we can get someone who is filled with hate to make the smallest of choices in favor of goodness and love, we are moving their heart further from the path of darkness and further along the path of light.

Last week the surprisingly popular mini-series, The Bible, dramatically illustrated the apostles in seclusion cowering in fear following Jesus’ ascension – until the light of the Holy Spirit came upon them and gave them the courage to go out and share His light to all nations. The same power is available to us if we so choose.

What kind of light do you choose to shine into a darkened world?

*Nerburn, Kent, Make Me An Instrument of Your Peace, pg. 50.