His Pain, Our Gain!

by Joanie Butman

After a few undisciplined years, this week I returned to an exercise studio that had been my second home for a long time. My extended sabbatical was prompted by some serious health issues. A couple of major surgeries forced me to concede that the class was too difficult for my recuperating body. A valid excuse at the time, but I milked it far too long and am carrying around the evidence to prove it.

You might think it was a newfound determination to rid myself of that evidence (or the five pounds of guacamole I consumed in Mexico) which motivated my decision to return, but it had less to do with those factors than the impending expiration of my glut of previously funded classes. I couldn’t justify not taking advantage of something for which I’d already paid.

So there I was like the prodigal son returning from years of a more relaxed (somewhat decadent) approach to fitness. It’s funny, during those years I kept waiting to lose weight before I reinstated my old exercise regimen because I was embarrassed by my weak and unfit physique. Plus, I wanted to avoid the quandary of ‘fit fat.’ The irony is that returning to class was exactly what I needed in order to remedy my current condition.

I’ll be honest about why I was afraid to resume those classes: 

1. I suspected I was too weak to get through one.

2. I knew it was going to hurt, which it did, and still does. 'No pain, no gain' isn't just a catchy slogan. 

However difficult it was though, the pain was assuaged by the warm welcome I received from the women I hadn’t seen for so long. It was definitely a homecoming of sorts. I reclaimed my coveted spot in the back corner by the window and, as class started, I fell easily into the familiar rhythm of the class, enjoying the camaraderie of shared pain with the other attendees, spurred on by the instructor’s gentle encouragement. Sounds a lot like my Bible Study class.

These exercise classes work out my mind as well as my body because I use the hour to do lots of thinking – anything to keep my brain distracted from what my body is doing. Does anyone actually like working out? I enjoy the way I feel after, but I definitely do it out of necessity not because I like it. I will exhaust my prepaid classes then decide if the more strenuous routine fits into my new kinder, gentler fitness mantra. Who knows, they might complement each other nicely. Much like life, it’s all about balance.

There are so many analogies between physical and spiritual training. First and foremost, both can be painful and strenuous. There is more to the adage, “No pain, no gain” than simply being Jane Fonda’s battle cry during the 80s and 90s. The staying power of the maxim lends to its veracity. It actually dates back to a 1650 poem by Robert Herrick, and in 1734 Benjamin Franklin stated, “There are no gains, without pains.” That motto is undeniably one of life’s enduring truths passed down from generation to generation. No one enjoys suffering, but trying to avoid pain is a sure path to stagnation in every aspect of life.

Anyway, during one of the exercises the teacher commented, “Stretching only happens when you completely surrender the muscle.” Any fitness guru will tell you if you try to muscle through a stretch, you are going to hurt yourself. Oddly, her statement mirrored one I had just shared with my friend that morning. It is only when we stop trying to muscle through life under our own power that our faith will be stretched to a new and deeper level. God can’t do His best work when we insist on relying on our own strength to drive the bus. There are times we have to completely surrender our minds, bodies, agendas, pride, hurts, habits, hardships, idols, fears and anxieties in order to experience the miracle of His grace. And it’s not a one-time event. It is an ongoing exercise.

I thought back to when I sheepishly walked into that studio doubting whether I’d be able to get through my first class. I laughed because my Freudian slip couldn’t have been more appropriate. Sheep are notoriously dimwitted animals. They’re slow and aren’t even particularly good followers. With no sense of direction, they tend to wander off and frequently get lost. No wonder Christ employed them so often to describe humans. We have a lot in common!

When I’m undisciplined in my spiritual life, I’m just as sheepish (if not more) to humbly come before God – as if a game of spiritual hide and seek is really going to help anything. After a lifetime of playing this childish pastime, I will share a few of the lessons I learned.

As ridiculous as waiting to lose weight before going to exercise class is, waiting to clean up your act before presenting yourself to Christ is even more absurd because:

1. It will never happen.

2. When you’re at your worst is when you need Him the most.

3. When you are weak, that is exactly when you need to rely on His strength.

4. Our weakness is precisely what makes His grace so amazing.

5. Christ has prepaid the cost for our lack of discipline.

I chose to write about this topic on Easter because attempting to clean up our act or get in shape on our own negates what Christians celebrate today. Easter is the reason we no longer have to earn our worthiness. Christ's once-for-all sacrifice paid the price for our weaknesses. His pain is our gain. Like the classes I want to take advantage of before they expire, Easter might be a good time to consider choosing to take advantage of His payment made in full on our behalf before we expire.

I will leave you with one last thought. I’ve always been taught that mercy is giving someone what they need not what they deserve. I certainly don’t deserve forgiveness, but I need it infinitely more than a chocolate bunny. Redemption is the Easter gift I choose to open every morning. What's in your basket?

His Pain, Our Gain! Happy Easter!

What's Your Passion?

by Joanie Butman

The first hotel we stayed at in Mexico had an interesting custom. Every member of the staff wore a nametag – not particularly interesting in itself; however, underneath their name was this statement, “My passion is _________________.” It became a game for us. We couldn’t wait to see what passion each person chose to reveal. Many selected their families, others a pastime such as fishing, and yet another expressed his love of Moovies. Clearly, English wasn’t one of his interests. After we moved into our second hotel, we missed the connection that small effort offered. All of a sudden we wanted to know our waiter’s passion. How cool is that?

I thought about all the labels people wear today and wished they would be of a more personal nature. What if we all chose to share a glimpse into who we are instead of wearing other people’s names on our clothing and accessories?

At dinner one night I brought the nametag subject up and posed a question to our group. “If you had to pick one passion to put on your nametag, what would it be?” No one took the bait. I wasn’t trying to be philosophical; I just thought it would be a fun exercise. I could tell by the look my daughter gave me that she assumed I was headed down the God road – not a path she cared to travel while on vacation with friends. She has a sixth sense when it comes to “those kind” of conversations and how to avoid them. I got the signature eye roll and a quick shift to another subject. I made one last attempt, but everyone’s passion at the moment appeared to be NCAA Basketball. 

No one had any desire to converse about their passions. How weird is that? This generation will tweet any inane thought that pops into their head, but I couldn’t get them remotely interested in discussing what they are passionate about. Maybe that is their passion: social media. It certainly consumes much of their time.

When I was growing up, our interests became hobbies (an antiquated word), which eventually grew into a passion but that was after experimenting with lots of different ones. Kids these days don’t have the luxury of free time to pursue hobbies that won’t necessarily add to their resume. I went to hear Jeff Immelt (General Electric CEO) speak once about common attributes of successful people. Interestingly enough, one of his recommendations to the high school audience was “Get a hobby!” He defined it as something you pursue for the sheer joy of doing it.

Which brings me back to my original question. Truth be told, my daughter’s instinct was spot on. I probably was trying to steer the conversation away from college basketball, but not overtly pointing to God as she expected. Nevertheless, I do believe that whatever passion(s) we have are given to us for a reason. They are our God-given interests, gifts and talents. We come out of the womb with certain predilections. They are the lights we are intended to shine into the world. It is through them that our purpose will be realized. For that reason, I’ve concluded that a person will never feel truly satisfied unless those gifts are being used in some capacity.

Personally, I have a number of passions. Unfortunately, I’ve never quite figured out how to support myself through them so I worked at jobs I wasn’t passionate about, which is how I arrived at my conclusion. When I worked on Wall Street, I was surrounded by (and envious of) people who were passionate about their work. I would love to go to a job every day doing something I was passionate about - a luxury many people can’t afford. I was proficient enough to earn a living but was always restless and fearful that someone would figure out that I had no idea what I was doing. Who knew that all these years later I’d learn that apparently a lot of other people on Wall Street didn’t either, or we wouldn’t have found ourselves in such an economic mess!

So, what would my answer be? At this point in my life, I would definitely put God first, followed by my family, then writing. It took me a long time to sort it out though, and no one is more surprised than me to think about where I started and where I am now. Looking back, I spent most of my life figuring out what wasn’t my passion. What a relief to finally reach a place where I recognize my purpose and can begin to fulfill it with passion. I suppose that realization is the gift of aging – along with the boldness to express it in writing, hopefully shining His light into the world in some small way.

Finally, the reason the subject of passions is foremost on my mind today is because we are entering Holy Week when Christ’s passion will be commemorated. I can’t put the reason for my first choice any simpler than this:

We are His passion,

so I choose to make Him mine.

Once I made that choice, the gifts and talents He intended for me to use bubbled to the surface effortlessly with new meaning and direction. And thus my purpose became aligned with His purpose.

What's YOUR passion and how do you choose to pursue it?

I Have Arrived!

by Joanie Butman

While sitting by the pool in Mexico last week, I watched an extremely attractive and scantily clad couple swoop in like celebrities making a grand entrance, lapping up admiring stares from the other sunbathers. I know they were enjoying it because they kept looking around to make sure people were noticing them. Not that anyone could possibly ignore their incredibly inappropriate displays of affection at the pool bar. Clearly, they wanted to be seen and might as well have been announcing, “We have arrived!"

Trying to hide my interest behind dark glasses and a magazine, I became fascinated with their performance. Who was it for? It made me think of last week’s Are we there yet? question. They certainly thought so. 

Ironically, shortly before they ‘arrived’ I discovered a different answer to that same question, and it wasn’t the “We’ll get there when we get there” answer I’ve been feeding my children all these years.

Coincidentally, that answer pretty much sums up my philosophy on life as well. I’m not always sure where I’m going or how long it will take me to arrive, but I know it when I get there. There are some things you can’t predict or rush – where the journey itself prepares us for our destination. One of those things is life.

The answer I mention can be found in SQuire Rushnell’s book Divine Alignment (pg. 166). Rushnell describes the phenomenon of 'arriving' as filling what he calls The Wonderful Well Within.

Each of us is born with a Well Within. It was made to store contentment. At birth, like the cellar of a new home, it’s empty. Momentarily. For our desire is to fill it, as quickly and as often as possible. Day in and day out, we subconsciously try to fill the contentment void.

We convince ourselves that: If I can just get rich and famous, my Well Within will always be overflowing with contentment. But, honestly, does wealth and fame every really fill the Well Within? The answer is always no.

Please listen to me; this is the big answer: THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY FOR YOU TO FILL THE WELL WITHIN. God created you with an empty Well Within for the express purpose of filling it with Himself. True contentment and joy come only when you fill your wonderful Well Within with the love of God.

     Not wealth.

     Not lust.

     Not drugs and alcohol.

     Not stuff.

Only God’s love, invited by you into your Well Within, will give you what you have always been looking for. That’s when you’ll find yourself overflowing with contentment and joy. That’s when you can thankfully say, “I have arrived.”

We all experience joy and contentment in this life at different moments to different extents. I couldn’t have been more content at that moment surrounded by unparalleled beauty with someone passing out Klondike’s on a stick. But last year I was just as content sitting in Ghana eating rice for a week.

Joy and contentment aren’t determined by your situation. It is something you choose regardless of your location or circumstance. I know people who can be miserable anywhere, and I know miserable people with lots of 'stuff.' I also know joyful people who have nothing.

I decided right then that those three words – I have arrived – will be my epitaph because in reality, my life is one long journey towards a destination I will never reach in this world. Everything that happens here is just preparation for that arrival. The earthly joy and contentment I experience is but a foreshadowing of what’s to come because no one can deny there are plenty of situations in this life that can rob us of joy and contentment -  if only temporarily.

I thought back to that couple’s grandiose arrival. Our entrance wasn’t nearly as flashy. We felt more like the Beverly Hillbillies pulling up to the Ritz with bags overflowing from our small rental car. How much baggage do you need to sit by the pool for a week? A lot less than we thought. Same with life. We can all get by with a lot less baggage, yet we choose to lug it around anyway.

That is why I believe that even though joy and contentment are definitely ours for the taking, most of us choose to get bogged down with emotional baggage we don’t need or want until we truly arrive at our final destination where a divine porter will be waiting to gladly take them off our hands for good. And there lies the comfort and the promise of those three words: I HAVE ARRIVED!

Are We There Yet?

by Joanie Butman

Last week’s topic of perseverance is particularly timely as we left for a family vacation yesterday. It is unfortunate that our spring break always lands in the middle of Lent. In my previous post, I forgot to mention the group of individuals that claim Papal dispensation in the event that a vacation falls during Lent and/or you are leaving your country of origin. Then I received an email this week which insisted that God is busy picking a new Pope so I was in the clear to break my Lenten fast. It doesn’t really matter—everyone knows there are no rules in Mexico anyway.  

If you think giving up chocolate or alcohol is a challenge, one year I resolved to exercise more patience as my Lenten offering. Come to think of it, that year is the only one where three days would have been considered a major victory. For years I suffered from a delusion many mothers share: the perfect family vacation where everyone gets along, stays healthy and all goes smoothly. My perseverance in pursuit of that delusion led us to family therapy one year after a particularly thorny trip. Ironically, that was the same year as my patience pledge!

Our therapy didn’t go any better than the vacation. On the way home from our one and only visit, I asked my kids what the therapist said to them. They answered in unison, “He said you were crazy.” You can imagine my reaction – or maybe not. They defended themselves, “Don’t blame us. You were the one who forced us to go.” I called the therapist as soon as I got home and, if he thought I was crazy before, my conversation confirmed his original diagnosis. I told him indeed I was insane for paying him $250 to add fuel to the fire!

Even though it wasn’t the outcome I’d hoped for, it did unite them. If I had to be the sacrificial lamb to build this alliance, so be it. I’d finally found something on which they could agree. I saw a glimmer of hope that someday their constant bickering might be supplanted by shared interests other than maligning me.

Now that my offspring are no longer ‘children,’ our trips are much more enjoyable. Age and a secret we learned (unfortunately too late to save the monetary and mental expense of therapy) contribute to this the newfound luxury. Choose to travel with a like-minded family with kids around the same age. Everyone behaves much better in a group – including mom, usually. I can’t say for sure whether the family we chose necessarily wanted to be adopted as our chaperones, but they’ve certainly been graciously accommodating over the years. For all I know, if they were writing about perseverance, we might be their example!

Parenting is an excellent example of perseverance. Even though quitting is not an option for most of us, there have been times we’ve all been tempted.  If I'd had a viable alternative available, I might have even made good on one of my many threats to do just that. A friend recently commented, “Parenting is not for the weak at heart – I need to surrender and pray more!” Nevertheless, most parents never give up on their children just as God never gives up on us. Tough love is called for at times, and that has to be the hardest test of perseverance for a parent and probably for God as well.

Choosing perseverance is a particularly valuable skill in life, and one I became proficient at while attending Catholic school. I’ve often toyed with the notion that Nietzche shared a similar experience, and his famous admonition, “That which does not kill us, makes us stronger,” was actually part of his commencement speech. 

Perseverance is a key ingredient to success and in surviving hardship (including the teenage years) because let’s face it, life is one long perseverance test. If I was delusional about the perfect family vacation or sticking to my feeble Lenten attempts, anyone who falls victim to the idea of perfection in this life is going to need a hefty dose of perseverance to overcome that handicap.

The tricky thing about perseverance is that you can only get good at it by failing - a lot. With that in mind, I choose to view my setbacks as growth opportunities because to give up trying is admitting defeat. I like Laura Lynch’s answer to the proverbial "Are we there yet?" question in her book, Mistakes Happen. “I may not be where I want to be, but if I stop now, I'll NEVER get where I'm going!”

C.S. Lewis has a more profound, spiritual view. “God knows our situation. He will not judge us as if we had no difficulties to overcome. What matters is the sincerity and perseverance of our will to overcome them.”

God never gives up on us, so I choose to persevere in my pursuit of Him during Lent, life and our family vacation.

In what area(s) do you find it hardest to choose perseverance?