Oh Wow!

by Joanie Butman

I left for my recent trip with a heavy heart as a member of our small summer bible study group is in the midst of an intense battle with cancer. When I landed in Croatia, I was overwhelmed with guilt that I should be enjoying such beauty while she was in debilitating pain. When I awoke the next morning to a breathtaking view of the Adriatic, I began my day with a prayer on her behalf. What I heard in response was that the best way to honor her suffering was to live life to the fullest.

With that thought and this scripture in mind, I embraced each experience with renewed gusto even though she was never far from my mind. My guilt became gratitude and an intense appreciation for the blessings I’d been given – especially the privilege of making this journey. Every color seemed more vibrant, every flavor more robust, every encounter more pleasurable, every moment more treasured. That’s the thing about facing mortality – your own or someone else’s – it makes you cherish living all the more.

Everywhere I looked was an ‘Oh wow!” whether it was a stunning vista, a culinary delicacy, a new friendship, or our cute Croatian kayak guide. None compared, however, to a brief glimpse into a wedding reception at the Villa d’Este in Lake Como, Italy. It was otherworldly, and I get goose bumps whenever I think of it – not because I’m a sap for weddings (even though I am) or because my daughter deemed every place we visited in Lake Como a potential wedding venue. No, it was because it reminded me of the many Biblical analogies of Christ as bridegroom and we as His bride.

The Villa d’Este isn’t Heaven and pales in comparison to what awaits us, but I couldn’t help but be comforted by the visual of my friend being welcomed into eternity in an even grander fashion than the bride and groom at the reception I witnessed. I hear the burst of applause, singing, and cheering as I picture her being ushered in on Christ’s arm radiant, fully restored and free from suffering. I don't know what the immediate future holds for my friend. God alone sets the date for each of our wedding feasts; but Biblically speaking, we can all look forward to a celestial reception that surpasses anything we can imagine. It’s God’s promise to us.

I delight greatly in the Lord;

my soul rejoices in my God.

for he has clothed me with garments of salvation

and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,

as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,

and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

                                                                                          (Isaiah 61:10-11)

One last thought. As I peered into that reception hall mouthing yet another ‘Oh wow!’ I thought of Steve Jobs for some bizarre reason. According to Walter Isaacson’s biography, Jobs had a lukewarm approach to God. In response to a question from Isaacson, Jobs comments, “Sometimes I believe in God, sometimes I don’t. I think it’s 50-50 maybe. But ever since I’ve had cancer, I’ve been thinking about it more. And I find myself believing a bit more. Maybe it’s ’cause I want to believe in an afterlife. That when you die, it doesn’t just all disappear.” Jobs was a visionary and a seeker. I could be wrong, but I don’t think he was seeing the newest Apple product when he uttered his last words. I choose to believe the last vision Jobs had was his best ever or else he wouldn’t have left this world with these words still lingering on his lips, “OH WOW! OH WOW! OH WOW!” 

Marco?

by Joanie Butman

Last weekend during a long road trip, we stopped at a service area for lunch. While sitting at a table enjoying the people watching in the bustling food court, I observed a cute, elderly man with a twinkle in his eyes and a smile on his lips, calling out into the crowd, “Marco?” He wandered around with his tray repeating his call until I finally heard his wife reply with a dainty “Polo” as she came to join him, and lead him to their table.

I can’t say why I immediately saw the analogy to my spiritual life. It suddenly struck me, “My walk with God has been a lifelong variation of the game of Marco Polo!” For those of you unfamiliar with the game, it is a form of tag played in a swimming pool. The “It” person keeps his eyes closed calling out ‘Marco,’ to which the other players reply ‘Polo,’ thereby allowing him to locate them – a human echolocation of sorts. The problem is your targets keep moving in an effort to outpace you. Wikipedia comments: "The game shares its name with the 13th century Venetian trader and explorer Marco Polo, and legend has it that the famed explorer didn’t really have a clue as to where he was going, much like the ‘It’ person.” That would certainly describe me for a good portion of my life, so guess who’s ‘It’ in the following variation?

Divine Marco Polo is confined to two players and is more reminiscent of a treasure hunt than tag. The biggest difference is that my ‘Polo’ never moves. No matter how far off course I get, He patiently responds to my often-frantic call with a resounding ‘Polo!’ allowing me to recalibrate my bearings. Those times when His voice sounds like a distant whisper are because I’ve chosen to move so far in the opposite direction. Or it might be because I’ve chosen to stop calling out, or maybe I call out but choose to rush off in another direction without waiting for a response. For the most part, the difficulty in hearing his voice is a function of allowing the cacophony of voices clamoring for my attention to overpower it.

We began a new year of Bible study last week with the question, ”Why do you study the Bible?” Everyone has a different answer. For me, it is to refine my sense of hearing in order to improve my skill at spiritual Marco Polo. Learning about the character of God allows me to get to know Him better, which helps me recognize His voice amongst the monkey chatter that surrounds me AND boosts its volume so that I can hear it amidst the noise of life. Studying scripture also enables me to call out more boldly and with confidence as a child does to a father. C.S. Lewis has a quote I can’t recall verbatim, but the essence of it is that every decision we make either moves us closer to God or not. It's our choice. Life with God is definitely not a game per se but an adventure and not without a hefty dose of fun.

Much like that darling, playful senior in the rest stop whose wife came alongside him with a grin, her affection obvious as she took hold of his hand and gently guided him to his seat, God is eager to do the same for us. He waits patiently for us to choose to call out to Him, growing ever closer until the time he takes hold of our hand and leads us towards home.

The Bible is the map with which I navigate life. Marco Polo may not have known where he was going, but I do. Do you?

P.S. I will be off exploring new territory for the next two weeks. Back online October 19th.

Slapped Out of It!

by Joanie Butman

Last week’s blog discussed prayer and fellowship as integral components of Christianity. At the time, I didn’t realize that God was about to use me as the poster girl to support that truth. It’s not the first time. I give Him plenty of material with which to work. I’m willing to take one for the team so here goes.

It began with an altercation I had with someone I love. As is often the case, I was well-intentioned, but you know what they say about those. Regardless, I was rebuffed in a harsh manner and left hurt and angry. I then made the decidedly unwise choice to stay hurt and angry. Walking around harboring an offense never ends well. I speak from experience.

I’ve always been taught to pray for the EGRs in my life (Extra Grace Required), but I’ve never seen such immediate results. Before I continue let me just add that I'm fully aware that I AM the EGR someone else is praying for at the moment - maybe even an army of people! Even so, God can take anything we give Him and transform it. Hurt and anger are just one of His specialties. Even so, I believe this transformation was expedited by a well-placed slap I received from another well-meaning Christian. You know what I’m talking about. Think about the famous slap scene from the movie Airplane. I got the message loud and clear and awoke the next day full of renewed love and compassion towards my EGR, and gratitude for the man who helped me achieve it.

God wasn’t done with me yet though. He was going to drive this point home because He’s had to repeat it so many times in my life. I opened my email to a note from my mother mimicking what I had been told the night before and pointing me to the daily devotional we both enjoy reading. The topic was judging others, as was another of my daily devotions. Here’s the highlights.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged,”  (Matthew 7:1). Give your mind a break from its habitual judging. You form judgments about this situation, that situation, this person, that person, yourself, even the weather – as if judging were your main function in life. When you become preoccupied with passing judgment, you usurp My role.   Jesus Calling

Stop judging….Is there someone in your life right now who is rubbing you the wrong way? When negative thoughts start to spiral out of control, say a quick prayer: “Holy Spirit, help me to stop judging this person. Help me to accept him or her as you have accepted me.” In the end, you’ll discover that love can take you much further than judgment ever could!  The Word Among Us

I suppose these were the equivalent of a Christian ice bucket challenge just in case the verbal slap wasn’t strong enough.

A slap or a splash of cold water are well-known remedies to help someone ‘snap out of it’ – usually a panic attack. My ‘it’ wasn’t panic, but I was definitely on the attack. I meant no disrespect, but I deserved the wakeup call and am grateful my friend and my mother had the courage to tell me what I needed to hear – gently but firmly.They held me accountable for behaving in a way that wasn’t consistent with my beliefs. Therein lies one of the most important aspects of Christian fellowship or authentic friendship of any kind. If your friends don’t care enough to challenge you when needed (or tell you when you have food in your teeth), they aren’t real friends.

I’ve never had reason before to test the efficacy of the slap-in-the-face technique, but the soothing effect of a sincere apology I’ve had many an occasion to apply. It works every time. I knew what I had to do – not for the EGR who wasn’t even aware of my feelings – but for my own benefit. Unresolved issues had already taken their toll on my life. I wasn’t going to choose to add more fuel to the fire. Just as an aside, the scariest prayer I’ve ever uttered is “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Frightening thought for many of us, and excellent motivation to extend grace when you’re tempted to do otherwise.

No one likes to admit being judgmental, but we all do it. It’s innate. Think about it. Even when the judgment is positive, it still involves evaluating another in some area – appearance and performance being the most popular. I suppose the instinctive nature of this particular sin is what makes it so difficult to tame.

While I was writing this essay I received a timely message from another friend who knows my tendency towards self-flagellation and knew the circumstances. Thank goodness for the encouragement of friends. She reminded me that we are all a work in progress and that growth is the goal, not perfection. Bless her BIG Texan heart.

As my pastor would say, “So what’s the take away?” Simply this: Choose your friends wisely because ‘the company you keep defines you. Surround yourself with shining souls that inspire you, lift you higher and bring forth the best in you!’*

Scene from Airplane:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0GW0Vnr9Yc 

*Author Unknown

Upon This Rock

by Joanie Butman

Those of you who know me well know I have an affinity for stones and enjoy making cairns as gifts of encouragement. While walking one morning this summer, I stumbled upon a treasure trove of cairns. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, a cairn is a man-made pile of stones. Over the years, they have been used for many purposes:  accomplishing a summit, memorials at burial or battle sites, art forms, and, when placed at regular intervals, they indicate a path across stony or barren terrain. The Inuits call them inuksuit, which is translated "You are on the right path."  They are used as directional markers that signify safety, hope, and friendship. Inuits consider them "symbols of survival.' 

Anyway, on this particular morning, I rounded the corner to discover a veritable garden of stone structures in every shape and size – our own little Stonehenge in Massachusetts. It was magical though the photos don’t do it justice. I’m no scientist, but some of the structures appeared to defy the laws of physics much like faith defies logic. I was amazed at the seemingly precarious positions in which they stood.

As this site was on my daily walking route, over the next couple of weeks I witnessed their slow demise and noticed which ones withstood the vagaries of nature and remained erect – true symbols of survival following a particularly violent storm. The cairns remaining after a month had one of two things in common. They either had: 

1. A strong, stable foundation or
2. A foundation that was supported on either side protecting it and keeping it stable.

It occurred to me that here was a perfect example of two important aspects of Christianity; namely,

1. The stronger your foundation and your connection to it, the less likely you are to crumble in a storm.
2. Christian fellowship is essential for support when your own foundation is undermined.

Christianity is a relationship, not a religion. It’s all about building and maintaining a strong relationship with your foundational Rock and sharing it with others. In our society where individuality reigns, it is tempting to ignore our responsibility to other Christians. Prayer is an integral part of that responsibility.

Perhaps it’s because everyone I know seems to be in some form of crisis, but prayer has been a frequent topic of conversation with my friends all summer. Without a doubt this is an area where I am definitely the weakest link. As far as I’m concerned, the power of prayer is just one of those mysteries that’s meant to be experienced not necessarily understood.

Even so, these stones illustrate two truths on which my friends and I agree, despite our drastically different approaches to prayer. First and foremost, prayer builds and maintains the strength of the connection to your foundation so that when trouble comes you won’t be shaken. Second, even if the connection to that foundation is precarious, the prayers of others can help protect you in any storm and uphold you during times of distress.

rock30

Unquestionably, God wants us in prayer constantly because he wants us in continual communion with Him. He wants us to offer Him our joys, sorrows, fears and anxieties. Not so that He can eliminate them, but so He can share them. He won’t necessarily take away our pain, but He can transform it. He is always patiently waiting to help us face any storm. He doesn’t guarantee a peaceful life. He offers peace amidst life, which is anything but peaceful.

Personally, I believe the true value of prayer is that it is an expression of our love for God and for each other, and it is this love that comforts us and pleases God. God doesn’t instruct us to pray always because He needs to be reminded of our needs. It’s because we need to be reminded of His presence and sovereignty; which, in turn, fills us with His comfort and peace.

Years ago I created a photo book of rocks and cairns I’ve collected over the years. I leave copies in the waiting room during my frequent visits to Sloane Kettering. Just yesterday, someone asked me why I don’t find my trips there disturbing. Other than the fact that I feel incredibly close to God there, I consider myself a walking ‘symbol of survival’ for those sitting where I was six years ago. I can’t give out rocks to everyone I meet, but we are all living stones. We can all choose to offer hope and encouragement simply by sharing our stories. People want to hear from someone who’s come out the other side of the pain they are experiencing. Richard Rohr describes this phenomenon in Everything Belongs, 

All we have to give away is our own journey. Our own story. Then we become living witnesses. The only authority we have in other people's lives is what we ourselves have walked and what we know to be true. Then we have earned the right to speak...We must believe in such a way that we give hope and meaning to the next generation...That's what our lives are for: to hand on the mystery to those who are coming after us, which means that we have to appropriate the mystery ourselves.

There are many forms of stony or barren terrain as we navigate through life. My hope is that you choose to find your own inspiration whether it be a cairn, a person, a photo, a verse or a prayer to encourage you to remain on the path God has chosen for you despite the difficult conditions. I don’t know what your struggle is. Life itself may be the storm you’re facing today. However, even when you are tempted to feel like you have no choices available, you can still choose prayer. That is always a wise choice.

Not Goodbye

by Joanie Butman

I’ve written for years how late August/early September is a season of goodbyes and new beginnings - none more so than this year as I debut in the empty nesting arena. Not having my schedule dictated by the school calendar is a little disconcerting as I watch harried moms scurrying around and school buses rolling by. I am now sitting at our beach cottage feeling like I stayed at a party too long (not that I would know what that feels like of course).

My friends and family know I’ve been looking forward to this new chapter, but that anticipation didn’t soften the blow of closing the door on the childhood phase of parenting. I was totally caught off-guard by how emotional I was dropping my son at school and my daughter at the airport for a semester abroad. My penance, I suppose, for all those years wondering (audibly at times) why anyone would be upset sending their child off to school, whether it be the first day of kindergarten or college. Shame on me. Actually, it was almost a relief because I was beginning to think there was something seriously wrong with me as I wasn’t dreading their departure like so many of my peers. At least I know I have a heart now. What was it the Tin Man said when Dorothy was leaving? “Now I know I have a heart…..'cause it’s breaking.” 

Ironically, one of my devotionals the day I dropped my son at school was entitled, “Let Go!” It began, “Entrust your loved ones to Me; release them into My protective care. They are much safer with Me than in your clinging hands.” Nothing I didn’t know already and something I’d thought I’d already done years ago, but surrender isn’t a one-time event. It is a minute-to-minute choice to trust that God can take better care of them than I ever could – without His own emotional baggage in tow.

I purposely drove home alone from Virginia where I deposited Doug, hoping the nine-hour trip home would give me plenty of time to process this momentous occasion privately. Even though it was a teary ride, I think I set a record for cycling through the five stages of grief. By the next afternoon, I was already clearing out his room! I hauled out bag after bag of clothes long outgrown, old school books, homework from grade school and accumulated useless ‘stuff.’ Just so you know I’m not totally heartless, I left all the trophies – for now at least.

Two weeks later when Hannah left, I sat in my office sifting through thousands of pictures from her childhood with the movie I made for her when she graduated high school on continuous play. It was pathetic - reminiscent of a teenage breakup where you sit and torture yourself listening to every melancholy song about breaking hearts and unrequited love while eating cookies and ice cream. Carole King's Tapestry was alway my 'go to' for such occasions. I was embarrassed for myself, but it was quite effective. Next day I tackled her room.

A little earlier in August I bid farewell to my beach buddies as they began a cross-country adventure towards a new life in Seattle. I sent them off with lots of love and lollipops for every state they drove through. Unfortunately, my geography isn’t so great and they came up short towards the end. Just as with my own children, I was sad to watch them leave but excited for what awaits them. Plus, we will continue to share years of beach memories during their extended summer visits. Maybe even more than when they lived in the same state.

Being a member of the sandwich generation, I feel like there will be more good-byes in the not-too-distant future. As summer slowly fades into fall, I bid farewell to lazy days, lobster dinners, the ocean, and our summer neighbors: my in-laws. Even though they are in good shape for their age, at 97 the length of their future is more uncertain than most. Every goodbye nowadays is said without knowing whether this will be the last.

A couple of years ago, my father-in-law decided he didn’t like the idea of saying goodbye so he refuses to use the term. He changed it to “see you later” or “see you in a few months” – always something open ended. When I asked the reason for his sudden aversion to saying goodbye, he explained that the term sounded too final. His ultimate departure must be growing heavy on his heart. The fact that there are now always tears in his eyes as he sends us off leads me to believe he must be thinking the same thing, “Will I see them again?”

Goodbyes come in many forms – some sadder than others. The following is the chorus of a song I sent both my children as a farewell. Though I’m not sure my in-laws share my Christian certainty, I left them the same message when I departed today. 

This is not goodbye

It’s just “I love you” to take with you

Until you’re home again

Choosing to let go is never easy, whether it be a person, a pet, a place, a home, a career, a dream, a habit or even a hurt. However, remember, "no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the human heart conceived, what God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Corinthians 2:9). 

Choose to let go and let God.