Wait and See

by Joanie Butman

I’ve always despised those words. I didn’t like them when I heard them from my parents, and I don’t like them any better today because I’m not a patient person. No one enjoys waiting though some are better at it than others. Ironically, human ‘beings’ are more comfortable doing rather than being. Yet, we spend an inordinate amount of time doing that which so many of us abhor – waiting for trains and planes, waiting in doctor’s offices, waiting for test results, waiting for acceptance letters or job offers, waiting for children, waiting for a phone call, waiting for healing and ultimately, waiting for death. Isn’t everyone waiting for something? How about those doomsday people who exist waiting for the end of the world?

I spent my youth waiting to be older. Now that I am older, I wonder why I was in such a rush. If I thought my age would somehow fill me with wisdom, I was wrong. Age is just a number. It’s everything that happened getting there that taught me about life. I wish I had a dime for every time I uttered these words, “I can’t wait to…” as if whatever I was waiting for would be a panacea which, of course, it never was. There was always something else: "I can't wait to get my license. I can’t wait to be 18, I can’t wait to graduate, I can’t wait to be on my own, I can’t wait to be married, I can’t wait to have children, I can’t wait to lose ten pounds, I can’t wait to get these Spanx off!"

First of all, the statement is ridiculous because, more often than not, we have no choice in the matter. I could and did wait – sometimes more gracefully than others. More importantly, how I chose to do it is what did and continues to determine the quality of my life in the meantime. Do I choose to wait anxiously for something that may or may not happen like the doomsday crowd? Or rather, do I choose to wait peacefully content with today and all it has to offer? It seems like a no-brainer, but occasionally I find myself (and I know I am not alone) falling prey to the impulse to rush ahead of myself.

Life can be an interminable waiting room, which is why it is so important to master the skill of being still. You can’t rush life. It unfolds at its own pace in its own time. It takes a conscious effort (especially when you’re young) to choose to live in the moment. So many of us are tempted to mentally race forward, sacrificing today for tomorrow.

The biggest misconception is that waiting is a passive activity, which it can be if you so choose. But that will make the wait seem longer and all the more tedious. It is my belief that waiting is a time of growth and training. Trust me, I know this from experience and the wisdom of hindsight. It’s a refining process preparing you for what’s to come next. If you need to develop patience (like me), you can bet you will find yourself in situations where you are going to have to exercise it. Isn’t that how you develop any skill or muscle – with lots of practice and vigorous training?

There is no other area where patience is tested more than when you are a patient. Sure, you explore all options and available treatments in order to make informed decisions. However, there comes a time when the only option available is the choice to pray or pout. That is when I realized that God is enough. It is also a lesson the people in Africa illustrated so beautifully during my visits. When you have nothing else, you learn that God is enough. It is that wisdom I choose to cling to regarding my physical health, my mental health and my spiritual health. If I can share it with you, it will make the journey all the more worthwhile.

So, as much as I dislike hearing another ‘wait and see’ diagnosis like the one I received last week, it keeps me right where I need to be: choosing to pray for the ability to be still and peacefully content in all circumstances, open to the joys and lessons each day brings, leaving tomorrow where it belongs while I choose to live in the here and now. I’ll let the doomsday bunch worry about how and when the end will come though I’ve often wondered, “If you just choose to live everyday like it’s your last, what’s the problem?”

Here is a poem I keep taped to my computer as a constant reminder of where to choose to keep my focus and why.

My Name is I AM!

by

Helen Mallicoat

I was regretting the past

and fearing the future.

Suddenly my Lord was speaking,

My name is I AM.

He paused.

I waited. He continued.

When you live in the past

with its mistakes and regrets,

it is hard. I am not there.

My name is not I WAS.

When you live in the future,

With its problems and fears,

It is hard. I am not there.

My name is not I WILL BE.

When you live in this moment,

It is not hard. I am here.

My name is I AM.

Doggie Doo Not!

by Joanie Butman

While walking to a doctor’s appointment in the city Monday, I witnessed a blind man's service dog taking a huge poop right in the middle of the busy sidewalk. The man was clearly confused as to why the dog suddenly stopped. Curious, he bent down to pet him. I suppose by the way the dog was leaning, he determined the cause of the delay. As I passed, I heard him talking to the dog. “I know what you're doing. Why do you always do this to me?” I continued walking but started wondering how he was going to pick up that mess without being able to see it. It’s not something you want to be feeling around for on a busy New York sidewalk – or anywhere for that matter. When I looked back and saw him fumbling for a bag, I knew what I had to do.

I can’t really tell you why I chose to turn around and go back. Pooper scooper has never been an ambition of mine. I can’t believe someone actually made a business out of it. In fact, I’m not even particularly fond of animals so I was the least likely Good Samaritan in this circumstance. Regardless, I asked him if he needed help, which he gratefully accepted. He emptied a bag of recent purchases, and I went to work. All I can say is, you can’t stoop down to clean up someone else’s mess without a healthy dose of grace coursing through you. So why would I choose to do this? Because someone did it for me. Think about it. Isn't that what Christ does for each of us?

The owner was hilarious as he matter-of-factly explained that his dog is a “drive-by sh&tter, he thinks he's a horse!” I laughed all the way to my appointment, which, I believe, was the purpose of this encounter. God’s sense of humor lightening a heavy heart.  Who else could take a pile of SH&T and use it to soothe an anxious soul? As I walked away chuckling, I heard the owner chastising the dog once again for embarrassing him. I never considered that particular challenge for those who use service dogs. Just as an aside, the man informed me that dealing with this issue is an important part of a service dog’s training. Clearly, his dog missed that class.

A true but silly story. I guess that familiar expression is accurate: "You just can’t make this sh&t up!" No, you really can't. The incident got me thinking about the “drive-by sh&tters” we all come across in our lives from time to time. Sometimes, maybe it’s us. As my friend commented, “Aren't we all periodically? I know I have a tendency to ‘dump my junk’ on whomever is in my path when needing to unload.” Most of us (if we’re honest) can relate to her comment and have been guilty of not curbing ourselves on occasion, which is normal.

The chronic “drive-by sh&tters” are people who habitually leave a trail of human detritus in their wake. You all know them. The ones that make a mess then expect someone else to come along and clean it up – perpetual teenagers, but it’s not messy rooms they leave behind but messy lives. And it never seems to be their fault. They can always point the blame elsewhere – a popular tactic these days in so many arenas.

I'll give you an example, trivial for sure but indicative of a bigger issue. There is a park near my home where I walk frequently. It is a popular place for people to bring their pets.  In order to encourage owners to choose to “Do the Right Thing,” the town provides a dispenser with “doggie bags” instructing them to clean up after their dogs. What astounds me (beyond the fact that they have to be reminded to do the right thing) is the pile of full bags dumped directly under that sign along with the expectation that it is someone else’s responsibility to dispose of it. This is a perfect illustration of the epidemic I see today. Who do they think is going to clean up this pile of you-know-what? My point is, if we can’t clean up our own backyards, what hope do we have for cleaning up the messes in our community, our country, our world? Will the legacy we choose to leave the next generation be a heap of dung for them to clean up? 

Here’s a novel idea. If everyone took responsibility for their own choices and the messes they create, wouldn’t the world be a better place in every aspect?

Just saying…

Epiphanies

by Joanie Butman

As some of you may know, today is the Feast of the Epiphany, which commemorates the Wise Men finding Jesus after following a star through the desert. In our family, we call it Little Christmas. We always leave the tree up and the lights on until January 6th which marks the end of the Christmas season but also another new beginning.

Webster defines epiphany as “a sudden realization or the appearance of God.” We’ve all had them; epiphanies, that is, not necessarily witnessing the appearance of God. Eureka* moments when an elusive concept or idea suddenly becomes clear to us. It’s probably safe to say that none of us has had the opportunity to experience being in the presence of the Divine – at least not in the way the Wise Men did. However, I think we all have moments in life that change us forever. Perhaps it’s an event or a person that challenges all that we believe to be true, causing us to view life in a whole new way.

We can all relate to these three relatively unknown individuals – not because we share their wisdom or wealth, but because we share their journey. Aren’t we all at different stages of our own odyssey – searching for meaning and purpose in a world that seems to be spiraling out of control. We’re all traveling towards something (though racing seems to be the norm today). Regardless, the guiding light we choose will be different for everyone. For some, like the magi of old, it will be the light of Christmas, which is manifested in the person of Christ. But for others it might be a belief, a dream, an ambition, or maybe even a person that guides their life’s path. The road you travel will be unique to you. Here’s something to consider. Maybe just choosing to start the journey will allow that which you pursue to find you.

Tony Jarvis, author of With Love and Prayers and a wise man in his own right, gives the most accurate description of what motivates someone like the Wise Men to undertake a journey that many must have considered foolish. It is, I believe, a universal truth that is worthy of consideration on today of all days. He claims, “The search for truth, the search for the meaning of life, begins with the experience of emptiness.”

Some think they (the Wise Men) were sultans or sheiks of minor Middle Eastern states. Why, then, did they leave their comfortable lives behind, the security of their own families, the warmth of their own homes, the convenience of their own community? They had everything anybody could want without leaving home. And, yet, apparently they didn’t. Apparently, something was missing. Apparently, amid all their affluence, all their comfort, all their status, there was something lacking. There was at the heart of all their glittering well-being a gnawing emptiness. And so they left it all behind – at least for a while, driven by this emptiness to look for something that would fulfill them. They longed for something beyond what they had. **

It is so true. I’ve experienced that gnawing emptiness, an uncomfortable feeling of discontent complicated by self-disgust that someone who has been blessed with so much could dare to feel unsatisfied. Yet, I wasn’t yearning for more stuff, but more substance. And so I chose to begin a life-changing journey full of detours, rough terrain, and more questions than answers. The funny thing is...the farther down the path I got, the more comfortable I became with the unknown. The big difference between my journey and that of the magi is that they knew what they were looking for. It took me years to figure out what or who would quench my thirst for meaning and substance, but it was well worth the trip.

It took the Wise Men significantly less time than me, but it was still a lengthy trip to find Christ. It wasn’t an easy journey. I don’t think it is for anyone. I can’t say for sure, but traveling hundreds of miles on a camel can’t be pleasant. There must have been varying weather conditions making it difficult to see the star. They must have lost sight of it from time to time as we all do – but they kept going, confident in their mission but not necessarily of their final destination or else they wouldn’t have had to stop and ask Herod for directions. Despite the obstacles, they dared to believe that which others doubted. On any kind of journey of discovery there are times when it seems futile, when the fog of self-doubt clouds our judgment and nags at our consciousness, questioning the wisdom of the journey. It could even be those around you, not liking your new direction, who try to convince you to turn back and settle for the status quo. Whatever the case may be, we’re all tempted at some point along the way to settle for living with that emptiness rather than choosing to risk leaving the comfort of our old ways of thinking.

That is the crossroad of life – a transition point of some sort – where our choice will define the rest of our lives. It could be an illness, a financial crisis, a tragedy, even a success – something that presents a personal challenge. It doesn’t have to be drastic. It might simply require a change of attitude, a change of priorities, or a change of beliefs, but that will not make it any easier. A wise priest once counseled me, “It is much more difficult to change the way we live than it is to change where we live. The hardest part is giving up old thought patterns and ways of acting and reacting.” That is the beauty and miracle of an epiphany. It changes us forever whether we want it to or not. Our life circumstances may or may not change, but our lives will be fuller and richer from the experience – the gnawing emptiness supplanted with a contentment that defies circumstance.

Jarvis concludes his chapter about the Journey of the Magi with an interesting sentiment about their choice to return home a ‘different’ way:

That may mean nothing more than the literal fact that they went home by a different route to avoid Herod in Jerusalem. But it also may mean that for the rest of their lives there was a difference; that somehow, their lives had been changed forever by their contact with the baby; that the rest of their lives would be lived ‘another way.’

My New Year wish for you is that you choose to begin this year ripe for adventure and open to epiphanies of all kinds. And don’t rule out the appearance of God-ones. I see Him working in the lives of others everyday and so can you when you choose to be open to it. It’s all a matter of what you choose to focus on. Even in a tragedy as heinous as the Newtown massacre, one of their local parish priests commented, “ ...no media coverage has even touched the deep, beautiful awakening of faith that has occurred here. Our church has been full of people in prayer without ceasing since this tragedy happened. Love is stronger than death."

Sometimes the light you’re following will be obvious, other times we may have to choose to travel by faith as the Wise Men did. I don’t think Jerry Garcia will go down in the annals of wise men, but he certainly had a large following and moments of clarity. This was one of them…

Sometimes the light’s all shinin’ on me;

Other times I can barely see.

Lately it occurs to me what a long, strange trip it’s been.

NO KIDDING!

*Eureka is Greek for "I found it." 

**With Love and Prayers, Pg. 147-149

Ho Ho Holy!

by Joanie Butman

Christmas used to be my favorite time of year. I have fond memories of my father dressing up as Santa and leading an entourage of neighborhood kids caroling door-to-door giving out candy canes. Moreover, he kept up the tradition of playing Santa long after his own children were grown. In fact, my father embodied the essence of Santa Claus for us, and for countless numbers of children in New York and New Jersey throughout his life - particularly to those less fortunate than us. His love of giving to others was evident not only at Christmas time but all year long. A close friend of his once commented, “Lou’s been Santa for a lot of people even when he doesn’t have his costume on.” My father relished being Santa for the pure love and enjoyment of sharing the joy of the season with others. It is in giving that we receive, and the gifts he received from the children and adults he shared the magic of Christmas with over all those years were beyond measure. More importantly, his love of Christmas was contagious as love is meant to be.

With all that said, you must be wondering what caused this change of heart toward my previous yuletide glee. To begin with, I resent the stores pushing the season to start earlier and earlier each year in an effort to increase sales, thereby diminishing the Thanksgiving holiday in the process. This year the retail industry finally succeeded in corrupting the one holiday that wasn’t about purchasing by starting Black Friday on Thursday. Shame on them. Thanksgiving no longer holds the position of honor I believe it deserves, but is merely the kickoff to the “holiday” season.

The commercialism of Christmas seems to grow in direct proportion to the political incorrectness of mentioning the true meaning of Christmas. Even Santa in Miracle on 34th Street lamented, “That’s what I’ve been fighting against for years, the way they commercialize Christmas.” Then his devotee, Alfred, chimes in with a heavy New York accent, “Yeah, there’s a lot of badisms floating around this world, but one of the worst is commercialism. Make a buck, make a buck. Don’t care what Christmas stands for, just make a buck, make a buck!”

Just in case it has been lost in translation, Christmas is first and foremost a Christian holiday. There is only one reason for the celebration of Christmas: to acknowledge and honor the day the human race was given the gift of a savior by a loving, merciful God. When acknowledging such an incredible act of love, it is impossible to feel anything but goodwill towards others. That is the true spirit of Christmas.

I’m not a curmudgeon. I enjoy most things about the season: the lights, the gaiety, but most of all an overwhelming feeling of goodwill toward each other (except at the mall!). It’s the gifts that I find so distracting because they become the focus. Furthermore, the problem with gifts is that too often we love the gift more than the giver. Consequently, Thanksgiving has usurped Christmas as my favorite holiday because there are no presents. The purpose of the holiday is very clear – to take a moment to be thankful for all the blessings we enjoy and the gifts we are given every day. I always thought awe and gratitude were the emotions most suitable for Christmas – not anticipation or excitement over gifts we may or may not receive, but an awe-inspired appreciation for the gift given to us so long ago from a caring, compassionate Father to His undeserving children.  Here there is no question that you can’t love the gift without loving the giver.

There is always an end to the gifts, giving way to an anticlimactic realization that after all the weeks of harried shopping and preparation, the actual gift exchange is over in minutes, and the pleasure from them fleeting. I love to watch the different approaches people have to opening gifts because in many ways it is representative of how they approach life. Some do it slowly, savoring each one before moving onto the next, trying to make the pleasure last longer, neatly folding the wrapping paper for use next year. Then there are the rippers who attack their pile with wild abandon, tearing and throwing wrapping paper until every box has been opened and tossed aside. You can tell a lot about a person by watching them put up Christmas lights, pick out a Christmas tree and open their presents.

Oren Arnold has a wonderful Christmas quote regarding his idea about gift giving that I’ll share with you. 

“Christmas gift suggestions:

  To your enemy, forgiveness.

  To an opponent, tolerance.

  To a friend, your heart.

  To a customer, service.

  To all, charity.

  To every child, a good example.

  To yourself, respect.”

Those are the kind of gifts we need to choose to exchange every day – but especially at Christmas to honor the birth of Christ who exemplifies the loving spirit we celebrate on that day. Eventually, even Dr. Seuss’s Grinch figured out that “Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more.” Amen to that!

The sole/soul reason for the celebration of Christmas is to acknowledge the greatest gift ever given – the gift of a savior from a devoted Father to His wayward children. That is the gift I choose to celebrate on Christmas. It is one that will never disappoint us nor will we ever have to earn it; but to appreciate it we do have to unwrap it and accept it with an open, loving heart. What’s even better is that it comes at a cost affordable to all. And there is no end to the gift, it is eternal. It can renew us every day of our lives and beyond if we so choose.

Best of all, the gift we received on that first Christmas was intended to be regifted again and again and again. It was God’s plan for His Son, and one we are expected to share with others. Gifts of love, mercy, kindness, compassion, forgiveness and encouragement are but a few of the affordable gifts we can choose to generously bestow all year long. My prayer is that we be so filled with His gifts that we can’t help but choose to regift them to others – much like St. Nicholas.

“The true story of Santa Claus begins with Nicholas, who was born during the third century in the village of Patara. At the time the area was Greek and is now on the southern coast of Turkey. His wealthy parents, who raised him to be a devout Christian, died in an epidemic while he was still young. Obeying Jesus' words to ‘sell what you own and give the money to the poor,’ Nicholas used his whole inheritance to assist the needy, the sick, and the suffering. He dedicated his life to serving God and was made Bishop of  Myra while still a young man. Bishop Nicholas became known throughout the land for his generosity to those in need and his love for children,”* which eventually gave birth to the legend of Santa Claus – a jolly old man with a huge heart bestowing gifts on “deserving” children - the ones on his 'nice' list. The naughty ones didn't fare as well. Just as my father's friend noted about my dad, we too can choose to do the same for others even without a red suit or a list because I've always been taught mercy is giving people what they need not what they deserve.

When you choose to truly grasp the extent of God’s love that Christmas embodies, how could you not be bursting with joy and harmony? Frankly, I’m surprised people aren’t dancing in the streets singing Joy to the World everyday instead of just at Christmas. Even Scrooge ultimately made a wise choice when he said, “I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.”

This season, if you want to truly experience peace on earth and goodwill towards men, you may want to consider choosing to climb into the lap of the one who is waiting to fill not only your stockings but your entire being with His presence and shower you with His presents regardless of whether you’ve been naughty or nice.

http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/who-is-st-nicholas/

Candlelight Vigils

by Joanie Butman

There are no words in regard to the Newtown tragedy, but for someone who often writes about faith, it begs a response especially in ‘light’ of yesterday’s blog.

Sometimes the only light we can hope to bring into someone else’s life is simply to stand with them and bear witness to their pain.  The candlelight vigils that have covered the news are a perfect example as the world mourns with the families of the victims and all who lived through that nightmare. I can’t help but think of the description of Jesus standing by his friend’s grave. It is the shortest sentence in the bible, “Jesus wept.” No doubt, He is doing the same over this unspeakable horror.

Those candles bring the light of Christmas right where it belongs – in the midst of unbearable heartache. Today, more than ever, it is important to embrace what that light represents.

A candle is a symbol,

it speaks of light, hope, warmth and love.

A candle is a sign,

it reminds us of the prayers of God’s people.

My husband asked an excellent question this morning – one I have been asking myself since this incident. “Is it disrespectful to go ahead and celebrate Christmas?” After much thought, I believe it is more important than ever for us to celebrate the birth of the one who will eventually put an end to all the evils of the world. It is the promise of the light of Christmas that we can choose to celebrate in honor of the entire Newtown community. Tragedies don’t divide us; they bring us together, which is right where we need to be when experiencing the dark night of the soul.

In the darkness of their unimaginable sorrow, we can only hope that our lights will be a source of comfort and strength. Yes, we need to celebrate Christmas because it is the only thing that makes sense in this crazy world.

At times such as these, I choose to cling to the only words that have the power to penetrate our pain. I pass along a scripture verse that was sent to me this morning.

“For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ made his light shine in our heartsto give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.” (2 Corinthians 4:6) That is the true meaning of Christmas and something we need to celebrate especially when faced with such incredible suffering, not only of those in Newtown, but throughout the world.